Monday, June 22, 2015

Why Am I Still Single?

I used to be the type of girl who doesn't know what I deserve... 
I'm always surprise to get a surprised reaction from my friends whenever I say I'm still single. It's been 2 years since my last relationship ended, and if you're wondering how I am today, I am happier. If there are lessons I learned from my last relationship, those are: I shouldn't beg for anything I know I deserve and that I should never settle for anything lesser than my standards - and this is the real reason why I'm still single.

I pity my friends who stay in tragic relationships just because they have been together for quite a while and they are afraid that they wont find someone else again to settle down with. I don't see real happiness there. I've learned that, it's better to let go and embrace change than to hold on and stay unhappy. We have to let go to save what is left for ourselves like our dignity or the dreams that we want to pursue. Let's be honest, sometimes we hold back our dreams for what we call love, but in reality, that's not  how things supposed to be. We build and pursue dreams with love, and love shouldn't be a chain that   keeps us from going upward or at least forward. That's why I'm still single, I learned to embrace change and to walk away from something that delays me from making my dreams come true. I learned that I can face a better life if I have my dignity hanging on my shoulder. 

Being single doesn't mean being alone and being alone doesn't mean being lonely. Sometimes we still feel alone (and worst, lonely) even if we are in a relationship and I know that's hard to admit. We feel lesser of ourselves because we let another person makes us feel that way. To me, being single means looking into your individuality and your ability on how to blend in a community and stand out of a circle. It's trying the possibilities in front of you, stepping outside your comfort zone, taking risk of trying the things you thought you couldn't do alone, with a friend or even with a total stranger. Being single is a stage of discovering what life can offer beyond being someone's add-on, the time where you discover your self worth and purpose as an individual. 

I'm still single because I learned how to take my time and I like how I'm taking my time wisely now. I learned how to appreciate the present and look forward to the future with so much excitement and thrill without rushing everything to happen. To give credit to the world I am in and explore new and larger worlds outside it. I think I'm really becoming the person a wanted to be ever since - brave, curious and happy. I'm becoming someone who is brave to make decisions. I figured out over the years that making a decision isn't that hard after all. When you're in a relationship or even in a plain situation that consumes you and postpones your life plans, that means you have to stop and let it go. It only means it isn't worth your time and effort. You have to learn how to turn your back and never look back to something that's not doing any good to you. I'm becoming more and more curious, and curiosity is good, it pushes me to try out the things I couldn't do if I have someone by my side. I'm happy, and  you'll know someone's happy when she's passionately doing what she loves and what she wants to love. 

realized that the thing with love is that, it's always there, love always comes and sometimes - most of the time - it comes at the wrong time and for the wrong person.  That's why I am still single, because I chose to wait for the right time and I chose to save the love I have for my right person. I'm still single, because I learned not to put my efforts, emotions and time to waste on making the wrong person right for me. I learned not to force situations to happen at the wrong time.

Of course, I want to be in a relationship and get married and have kids, who doesn't, right? Who wants to live and get old alone and be in her death bed with no one holding her hand from her bedside?  I am patiently looking forward to that day I would finally meet my own someone. Someone who is right to love me and be loved by me. Someone who would love, prioritize and respect me. I want to have my right someone, not because I need him but because I deserve him. And that's why I am still single, because I deserve to be loved, prioritized, respected in a right way and by the right one.

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