Wednesday, July 1, 2015

To My Body Shamer

I love you, but I love my body too. And yes, more than you...

Dear You,

Know that I have loved you for what and who you are. And to be honest, I was expecting something similar in return - for you to love me for what and who I am. You didn't, we both know you didn't love the way I have loved you. 

You always see my imperfections and you didn't see them as something empowering for a woman like me. You wanted to get rid of them. Yes, I may be curvy, but you shouldn't have told me I'm fat. Yes, I may be voluptuous, but never heavy. You should'nt have brought it up, that I am heavy, I'm fat. My weight never define me. My weight never bothered me. 

I want you to know, you don't have the right to make me do this and that, so that I could become the image you want to see. I want you to know, you don't have the right to hate my imperfections, they are there to remind me that I am me. And if you want to get rid of them, I guess you don't deserve the rest of me.  I am imperfect, I know that, but please remember that you are not perfect too. Like me, you also have imperfections - inside and out - but I did'nt mind them, I actually accepted them. Because I have loved you, the whole you.

"I love you, but I'm not attracted to you." Those were your words to me. It feels like silence followed through after your "I love you". I don't regret loving you, to be honest. But I wish I knew what to do when you said "...but I'm not attracted to you". That night, after you kissed me, you whispered to my ear "you are heavy". I knew it was so wrong to be hearing that from a guy - MY guy - but I ignored it. I wish I knew how to turn my back from you, I wish I had the guts to tell you "Jerk! Fuck You".

I'm sorry to say, but you are insecure, I want you to know that. You are insecure, and you wanted me to feel the same way, too. You wanted to kill the confidence I have inside this body. 

I'm sorry if my silhouette bothers you. I'm sorry if I too wide, too heavy for you. I'm sorry I did love you, and I love my body too, yes, more than you.


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